My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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