she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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