my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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