haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
