the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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