On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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