Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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