What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
