i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
