So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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