apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize