Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize