i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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