Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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