just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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