Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
