im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
