If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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