Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
