Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
