Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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