That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize