im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
