butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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