Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
