ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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