My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
