I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
