I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Too much gin, very little bucket
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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