he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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