I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Enjoy the penises
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
