dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
