his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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