im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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