9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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