i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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