At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
