I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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