Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
