I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
