I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
