HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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