Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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