I'm lost and stupid without you.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
