Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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