She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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