This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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