I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
