If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize