This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
