Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
