the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
