The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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