What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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