I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
