I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
