sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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