What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
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