I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
