Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
