OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize