Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Mom said you looked used
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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