Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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