Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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