I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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