A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
