I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
