we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
