help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
